Is anyone listening?

 I don't physically have cancer. My husband has cancer.  I also have the denial.  I have the anger. So much anger.  I am scared. He will suffer so much. I am scared that he will make the decision for no aggressive treatment. He actually told me that he didn't want it. I cry. I cry alone away from him. I have to have a brave face for him. I take his anger as if  I deserve it.  I want to scream. I don't want us to be on this path. Is anybody listening?

     My husband has had a cough and trouble breathing for a couple of months. I asked him on several occasions to call his doctor. We were camping with some friends and he started coughing and then quit breathing. That was a wake up call.      I had a doctor appointment and he went with me. He was telling the nurse what was going on. They immediately took him back and did x-rays and blood work. That was a Tuesday. On Wednesday they called and said they had scheduled at CAT scan for Friday.  They called on Monday and said we had to go to Pittsburgh on Wednesday for a biopsy. On Friday June 17, 2022 we got the call. Small cell carcinoma. Three masses. One in the left lung the size of a gold ball. Two more in the right lung. We are scheduled to go to the Oncologists on June 28. He will have a PET scan before that appointment. So just like that our world is in a tail spin. Are you listening?