Is anyone listening?

I have not blogged since 2014. It is now 2020 and the worst year this country has seen in a long time. We are quarantined. We are supposed to stay home. Oh and wash our hands. For it is the year of COVID-19 the Coronavirus. It's everywhere. On the news, on Facebook, in conversations. I have decided to put down on "paper" exactly what I am going through. I have worked since I was 16 accept for the time I took to have my babies. 6 weeks and I was back at work. So I have been working a long time. Now I am at home, not working. Well, not working for an employer. I want to tell my story. I want to talk about my anxiety. I want to tell you what I do all day and how I feel. I know there are people out there that have it worse than me. The problems is I can't see it. I can't feel it. I only know what is happening in my bubble. Today I worry about my husband, Jim. He is a clerk at the Post Office. He works at the counter. He is truly on the front lines. I have visite...

I haven't written in a long time. I haven't felt the inspiration I guess. Yesterday I got my donation bucket for Relay for Life and my tickets to sell for the Bar Crawl. A lot of people that I know have lost loved ones to cancer this year. I have lost many to cancer over the years. The one I never talk about is Charlotte. She was my first. Let me tell you about her. Charlotte stormed into my life in the 70's. She only entered the room last and with a flourish that brought the attention of everyone in the room. She always smiled. She always spoke her true mind. I was a shy 20 something that had two babies that we were trying to raise. Charlotte owned a race truck. My husband and brother-in-law were the crew chiefs for her. She never rode in the truck. There was a driver that was paid and co-drivers were always celebrity guests. Charlotte awed me with statements like "Don't whine that something is broke. Buy a book, learn to fix it and then fix it." My husba...

I have a lot of brothers.  Six to be exact.  Some I know, some I don't.  We have a big family.  Eleven total.  We fight, we get mad, but we have always loved each other. I have one brother (Rich) that died of cancer.  He was older but I knew him.  I went and said goodbye when he was still alive.  I cried when he died.  But he is not the one I feel the loss for.  I'm talking about Greg. I always loved Greg.  We were close.  Just two years apart.  Two years from Greg, two years from Denise.  I was the "middle child."  We were the Three Musketeers, together forever.  Then the changes came.  Too many changes.  Greg was in a terrible car accident and broke his back.  Then I got married and moved away.  Not long after that Dad died.  Then Denise got addicted to drugs.  Then things got better. I moved back home.  I wanted it to be like it was before the changes.  I wa...

They are everywhere.  Today one is in my daughter's head.  She used and used and used until she couldn't use anymore.  Not my daughter, the stupid person.  She wanted something for nothing.  And she actually got it for awhile.  Let me try and explain. You go to the grocery store and pick out your groceries.  You get to the checkout and you don't have any money.  So you tell the girl waiting on you that you are a licensed daycare provider and you will watch her child in exchange for groceries.  This goes on for awhile.  One day you have enough groceries and tell the girl you would like to be paid cash money. The girl tells you OK, I'll pay you.  Then she goes home and thinks about it.  She decides she wants you to pay for all the groceries she gave you plus some of hers.  Pretty stupid huh? Is anybody listening?

I have been saddened by America's lack of regard for people's privacy.  As I watched the Schwarzenegger's children try to deal with the media storm, I had to wonder "What have we become?"  Was this story so important that we needed to destroy a family?  When will it all end? I was a victim in much the same way.  There was no paparazzi.  I was not on Good Morning America.  But my life was torn apart because someone believed the world needed to know my business.  That world was small.  But I lost my friends, my reputation, and my marriage.  My children were torn apart and it was many years before the damage was repaired. Can we as Americans accept that we don't need to know everything there is to know about a public figure? Some things are sacred.  This is one of them. Is anyone listening?

I have the most wonderful husband.  He does all the cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, takes the kids to appointments, goes on field trips and soooooooooooo much more.  But unfortunately, he has the most annoying habit. He can go days without having a conversation with me.  The minute I get on the phone or the computer or start reading a book, he wants to talk.  And talk he does.  About anything and everything.  And nothing I want to hear about.  If I ask about how the kids did, he will say ok.  If I ask what's for dinner, he will explain in great detail how he was searching the internet for a pie recipe and came across this recipe for a casserole.  He then relays the step by step instruction on how to prepare it. He is aware of this problem.  He even suggested that I blog about it.  Thinks it might help. So here I am blogging about his problem and he walks up and gives me step by step instructions on how to get to downtown P...

I am feeling the frustration of having a special needs child and no one to help. I have a neurologist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a psycho therapist, a behavior specialist, and a TSS. Then why do I feel this way? He has been diagnosed with Epilepsy and ADHD. They are looking at Asperger's. He is out of control. He is having break through seizures. His seizures are nocturnal which means he is not getting good REM sleep. This in turn causes his ADHD to go off the chart. He can't have medication for the ADHD because those medicines cause seizures, which he is already having. And so round and round we go. Oh, by the way, my sleep is interrupted by the seizures also. So, I tell my "support staff" and they just look at me like I'm the crazy one. I have a diary. I have kept it for 4 years. They read it once in awhile. Nothing happens. Just wondering if anyone is listening!!